Congratulations on your engagement! You’re likely juggling flower arrangements, venue decisions, guest lists, and maybe a few unsolicited opinions. While this time is supposed to feel like the “happiest time of your life,” many of my clients find it to be one of the most stressful. And it makes sense. Planning a wedding is a big deal, and with it often comes anxiety, emotional overwhelm, and some surprising doubts about your relationship.
If you’re asking yourself, “Is it normal to feel this way?” or even, “Am I really ready to marry this person?” The answer is: yes, it’s normal. Let’s walk through some key points I often explore in premarital counseling sessions.
1. You Can’t Please Everyone
Someone will always have an opinion. Maybe your aunt doesn’t like the bridesmaid dresses. Maybe your future in-laws are questioning your cake flavor. If you’re open to hearing suggestions, try to find a balance between accommodating and staying true to what you want. But if you choose to cancel out the noise and do things your way, just remember—there may be consequences. There’s always a trade-off. Someone may be disappointed. That’s okay.
2. It’s Okay to Argue (and to Take Space)
This is a high-stress phase. Fights may happen more often, emotions may feel heightened, and your partner might seem more reactive than usual. Don’t panic. This doesn’t automatically mean you’re doomed. Take some space when you need to. Encourage your partner to do the same. Find time to regulate and reset before trying to resolve conflict.
3. Talk About the Big Stuff
Topics like children, finances, and where you want to live might come up during this time—and they can trigger a lot of emotion. If it feels too hard to navigate on your own, premarital counseling can be a great space to unpack these issues with guidance. In my practice, I offer half-day and full-day therapy intensives for engaged couples looking to cover a lot in a short amount of time.
4. Timing Matters When Giving Feedback
If your partner snapped at you during a stressful week of planning, it’s probably not the best moment to confront them about their tone. Wait until a calmer moment. For example, if there was yelling on Tuesday, try bringing it up on Thursday. Use language like, “We both seem to be stressed lately, and I noticed some tension. How can we support each other better moving forward?” Framing it as a team effort often helps.
5. It’s Okay If You Don’t Do Premarital Counseling (But Don’t Wait Too Long)
Some couples are simply too busy to do counseling before the wedding—and that’s okay. But don’t wait until the relationship is at a breaking point to seek help. The sooner you address issues like emotional regulation, communication, and unmet expectations, the stronger your foundation will be.
Final Thoughts
If you’re in the middle of planning a wedding and wondering why this feels so hard, know that you’re not alone. It’s a major life transition that brings out everything from unresolved family dynamics to questions about the future. If you need support, whether for one session or a full-day intensive, I’m here to help.
Let this be a time of building, not just planning. Because the real work begins long before the vows are exchanged.
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